@TheMichaelRock: Whenever you're feeling down and out, just remember that there's people walking around with Twilight tattoos.
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@Tmoney68: George H.W. Bush, age 90, went skydiving yesterday. I'm 45 & I strained my hamstring getting out of my car.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupid ME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen
@ElleOhHell: Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that.