@TheMichaelRock: Whenever you're feeling down and out, just remember that there's people walking around with Twilight tattoos.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Took me 5 minutes to pick up the soap I dropped in the shower so I hope I never commit a felony.
@INDlAN_: Dad- I want you to have everything in this world that your heart desires. *Can I have oreos?* [NO]
@ImLeslieChow: "I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story."
@withanewname: [interview] "Says here, you like to master debate in your free time?" "Yeah, sorry, that's a typo"