@TheMichaelRock: Whenever you're feeling down and out, just remember that there's people walking around with Twilight tattoos.
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@MelvinofYork: My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She’s always been thoughtful.
@Florescience: *At funeral* "Your Mom is so fat" I said eulogy, not roast. "oh right, I'm sorry. Your mom WAS so fat..."
@SteveKoehler22: Google, Microsoft and Disney are among suitors for Twitter Will it be Twoogle ? Twindows ? The Wonderful World of Tweets ? Be prepared