@jordan_stratton: Whenever you're feeling inadequate, remember: You know more about medicine than legitimate doctors during the civil war did.
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@ItsAndyRyan: "How would you describe the woman who attacked you?" *Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*
@UnicornSyrup: Whenever people say "anything is possible", I think about trying to staple pudding to a tree.
@TheMichaelRock: My boss said to "treat customers like you treat your mother", so I haven't answered my phone in a month and I have 74 unheard voicemails.