@MrGeorgeWallace: Where in the hell are Dora the Explorer's parents? Do they know she's riding a damn crocodile into a volcano?
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@omgthatspunny: The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.
@violet_heartin: *strips & lies on the couch* Me: Draw me like the one of your French girls. Cop sketch artist: For the last time, get out of my house.
@mattvalleau: Pet Review: Horses Cost: Thousands of dollars Pros: Bragging about owning a horse Cons: Can literally kick your face off, big teeth 1.5/10
@ghostkrogh: [at funeral] My brother was so realistic and sensible. I guess you could say- *casket is lowered into the ground* -he was down to earth.