@MrGeorgeWallace: Where in the hell are Dora the Explorer's parents? Do they know she's riding a damn crocodile into a volcano?
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@TySmithdrums: Me: "I can't find your phone." Her: "Call it." Me: "Here, phone!" Her: "I hate you."
@InternetHippo: ME: *falls in love only w/ people who are mean to me* Why does this keep happening [flashback] GOD: *points to me* Make that one an idiot
@aecide: Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many.