@shkeeber: Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
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@_GrahamPatrick: GUY #1: You free next week? GUY #2: Let me just check my dairy. GUY #1: You mean diary yeah? *cow walks by with "dentist 11.30" on it*
@CoopSoSarc: Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
@ericONEderful: If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don't think this relationship is going to work.
@murrman5: [family hears me pull in driveway] wife: please don't wrestling announcer: sorry ma'am he already paid me. NOW ENTERING THE HOUSE FROM WORK