@DonQuickoats: Which lip am I supposed to bite to look sexy in selfies? Cuz I look like a werewolf when I bite my top lip
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@LeonEarlgrey: baby proofing your house is easy, just lock your doors. There's no way they could get in unless there were like hundreds of them or somthing
@Hormonella: Wish I could focus on anything with even half the intensity of my dog watching me eat yogurt.
@zarascottio: Don't judge me for my race, don't judge me for my gender. Judge me because I've read all four of the Twilight books.
@T_N_Crumpets: WIFE: COME AND GET RID OF THIS SPIDER ME to spider: I told you, you'll get your money. Leave my family out of this SPIDER: you've got 2days