@DonQuickoats: Which lip am I supposed to bite to look sexy in selfies? Cuz I look like a werewolf when I bite my top lip
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@StarWarsProblms: Kylo: I need an N to finish my favorite Vader quote. Han: This is SpaghettiOs, not Alphabet Soup. Kylo: Great. Now Vader says, "OOOOOOOO!"
@WhaJoTalkinBout: [Petco] INTERVIEWER: We're looking for a real fish person. ME: Like a mermaid? INTERVIEWER:
@Super_Cynthia: I sleep with my clothes on and one eye open. Not because I'm scared, but my zipper is broken and I've had too much botox on one side.
@TheToxicWaster: Lindsay Lohan says she can't walk down the street without men chasing her. They're drug dealers Lindsay pay your debts..