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@1evilidiot: Which side of the plate does the phone go on?
@Sickayduh: "I'm going to the post office. I need a place stamp"
Wtf is that?
"I dunno but this envelope says I need one here"
@Iwriteforcats: Me: Would you have a minute to speak about my lord and savior, nachos supreme?
Her: Sir, for the last time just tell me your order.
@Robert_Beau: My sister thinks macadamia nuts is an STD.
@Feenohmenal: I'm sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
@batkaren: ME: I give you all my love and infection.
HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'?
ME: You should get tested.