@1evilidiot: Which side of the plate does the phone go on?
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@oolah: If you replace phrase “Americans think” with “Americans with landlines who answer unsolicited calls think” it all makes so much more sense.
@theshamingofjay: No thanks World Cup, if I wanted to watch a bunch of guys unsuccessfully try to score I'll just stay on Twitter.
@JTQuest: Men think of arguments as single isolated events. Women, in my experience, think of them as installments in some sort of perpetual continuum
@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: What if dementors attack our house? Me: They can't get in. 6: Why not? Me: My patronus is a screaming toddler.