@dmc1138: While everyone is busy complaining about their tweets being stolen & put on Facebook, I've quietly become the funniest person on MySpace!
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@JohnLyonTweets: Those guys who came by the office to ask for protection money kept breaking things. Like I'm going to pay people that clumsy to protect me!
@joeldanger: Dear Satan, God never healed my dyslexia so I'm looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey. Love, Me
@WilliamRodgers: Waitress: And what can I get for you, hon? Jesus: I'll have........ (snickering) a water