@SteveInevitable: While texting a girl she told me "I'm board" so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't offended. I just don't date wood. Or people who can't spell.
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@rickolantern: My neighbor told me he childproofed his house. And the very next day his wife came home with a newborn. Worst. Childproofer. Ever.
@GreenishDuck: Sorry it took me 10 months to text you back. I'm a snake now and I typed this with my head.
@LizHackett: "Why don't you have kids yet?" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym.