@SteveInevitable: While texting a girl she told me "I'm board" so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't offended. I just don't date wood. Or people who can't spell.
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@rockymomax: [date] ME: do you have kids or pets? HER: a son and a cat ME: what are their names? HER: John & Batman ME: nice! my son is also named Batman
@brendohare: I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. "Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?" "Yes"