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@saraheliza83: Whisper out to librarians!
*into radio* We've got a drunk man in the park who thinks he's a lion tamer.
"SIR! PUT THE WHIP DOWN & STEP AWAY FROM THE CAROUSEL!"
@fillthevacuum: *adds resume embellisher to resume*
@turboescortdude: 3 y/o: I want a bagel
Me: We don't have any
3 y/o: You're a idiot
Me: How did you survive your abortion
@iGreenMonk: Whenever my wife sing, i open up my room windows so the neighbors don't think I'm beating her.
@causticbob: japanese corn