@nyquills: [MasterChef] GORDON RAMSAY: Describe the dish ME: *proudly* Ceramic, chef.

@TweetPotato314: Juliet: *Sees Romeo's lifeless body* Eh, it was like 4 days. Shakespeare: *From overhead* No, you're distraught! You also want to kill yourself. J: But, I'm only 13! S: C'mon you agreed to this. You're the lead! J: Fine! *plunges dagger into heart* - Shakespeare Pressure

@Free_the_DJ: When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.

@SingleGirlAlert: Nowhere is it more evident That the middle finger IS a suitable mode of communication Than when driving to work

@SteveKoehler22: Ladies : Who's the man who, with just the slightest touch- gives you chills and makes you tremble with anticipation ? Your dentist.