@MUMSIEesq: 5YO: did you go to camp as a kid? GRANDMA: we were very lucky, we escaped France thru Great Britain 5: huh G: what ME: she didn't go to camp

@ingmarbirdman: *bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*

@Cryptic1iam: Why are they called condoms and not woody hoodies?

@fillthevacuum: Who the hell does that in a sock?!? *squishes out of the room*

@david8hughes: [hears baby crying in the next room] "It's ok, I'll go." [gets in car & goes to a motel]