@Molly_Kats: WHO ARE YOU RUNNING FROM IN YOUR OWN APARTMENT YOU FAT MONSTER NEIGHBOR I shout to my ceiling.
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@djdarrellripley: Him: Where'd you get that black eye? Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too...
@iAmJuddy: Wifey: We should get a chest freezer. Me: We don't need a freezer that big. Wifey: What if we need to hide bodies? Me: I love you.