@Scimommy: Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Cheeseboy22: My wife told me we need a new bathroom scale a week ago, but today she let me know that it wasn't something she wanted for Valentine's Day.
@shot_of_cabo: I realized she might be too young when I asked her the time.. And she said.. "The big hand is on the...."
@Donna_McCoy: Nothing stops me in my tracks faster than a five year old saying, "I got you a present!"
@DrawingShadows: Answer: Marijuana Question: Why am I sitting here on the couch eating ice cream with a fork, watching Telemundo and wearing one sock?