@PLATINUM2000: Who said chivalry is dead, I open the door at least a hundred times a day for my cat and dogs.
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@haleysfalling: [showing people around museum] and if u look to ur left you'll see a bunch of uppity people who get reaaal weird when you lick the paintings
@Brianhopecomedy: They must have had a really good laugh when doctors realized that thermometers could be taken orally too.
@trish07tx: How to piss me off: rearrange the grocery store. How to send me into a psychotic rage: rearrange the liquor store.