@PLATINUM2000: Who said chivalry is dead, I open the door at least a hundred times a day for my cat and dogs.
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@ericsshadow: [emergency room] DOCTOR: Point to what's causing you the most pain ME: I can't, they're at home playing xbox
@VelouriaDaze: *walks into lift* Guy: going down? Me: I'll need a first date for that. *silence* *doors open* Dammit Twitter!
@vivalamoi448: 4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here.