@slimmy_shady: Who the friggin hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere. You just let one into your home and it becomes your cat.
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@RealPrincessKim: You know that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem disses himself so the other guy has nothing to rap about? That's basically my only plan in life.
@thesulk: When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial.
@ErrenMichaels: *logs into Facebook *looks at pictures of people hugging their boyfriends *comments 'is that your dad' on all of them *logs out of Facebook