@CherBear162: Who the hell buys furniture online? Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in? What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay?
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@krisv_723: Him: Why are you wrapping me up like a burrito & how did you find a tortilla this big? Me: Shhh! This is my fantasy & burritos don't talk.
@HavocMantis: Me: The cool thing about writing is that you learn a lot about yourself. *learns a lot about myself* Me: aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
@Aspersioncast: Annoy your wife by saying “wow” every time a chick gets out of the limo on The Bachelor.