@CherBear162: Who the hell buys furniture online? Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in? What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay?
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@trojansauce: ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet
@ayyyyloser: "There's plenty of fish in the sea" is just something people say because you're going to be alone. Fishing is something you can do alone.
@birbigs: "You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?" -Jesus
@cynicanoldicus: On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.