@velvettusk: Who the hell called them deadbeat dads instead of negli-gents?
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@TheWoodenslurpy: Me: If I were you, I’d confront your boss Friend: You would? Me: I wouldn’t. If I were you, I would. If it were me, I’d do what you’re doing
@DanMentos: me: *installs app that vibrates phone whenever I'm owned online* wife: do you hear bees
@TheMichaelRock: It's cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can't even dress the kids properly.