@nowthisnews: Who wore it best? #Oscars2015
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@JessicaVarsity: I just leaped over a 3ft tall dog gate with the skill and grace of an olympian to get a snack from microwave. *Adds track star to resume*
@NYC_Blonde: A pregnant girl from my high school made her unborn child a Facebook and added me as a friend. I AM FRIENDS WITH AN EMBRYO YOU GUYS.
@cuckoo_cachu: Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA.
@Black__Elvis: Hey baby, is your father a thief because he stole the stars and he put them in your eyes and also my TV is missing.