@nowthisnews: Who wore it best? #Oscars2015
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@AimeeHelene1: When someone at work asks you what you're doing this weekend, just pull a lettuce leaf out of your pocket and slowly start licking it.
@AudreyPorne: "Are you on Facebook?" "No, but I'm on.. (don't say twitter, don't say twitter) ..Mescaline" (Nailed it)
@CulturedRuffian: Dear Lord, Thank you for these noodles I'm about to eat and the good deal I got buying them in bulk at Costco. RA-MEN!
@KentWGraham: I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.