@nowthisnews: Who wore it best? #Oscars2015
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@zoevsuniverse: 4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant. I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said: "I never want to do that again."
@plumbur: I'm convinced that my washing machine is a portal to a world where one-legged men hop around in my socks.
@xLiserx: *First Date* Me: *Flirting* You have to promise not to fall in love with me. Him: There's cheese in your hair. And we haven't eaten yet.