@lenadunham: Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex? Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.
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@Reverend_Scott: You excited to watch the Super Bowl? "Ya, but only cuz the commercials." [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]
@TheTweetOfGod: When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you've been using Apple Maps.