@lenadunham: Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex? Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.
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@tastefactory: INTERVIEWER: What are your strengths? APPLICANT: I'm a detail-oriented team player [nothing wacky happens because this is a job interview]
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Prominently display feminine hygiene products in your living space to let him know your eggs are still viable.
@Book_Krazy: Yes, lady who took two parking spaces. I'm the reason you can't get in your car from the drivers side. Have a nice day :)
@TheRolo: [Walking around the office] *Sees nosepicker* *Hears burper* *Smells gas* Boss: What are you doing? Calculating the..."Gross Margin."