@sumpeoplelikeit: Whoa there, pregnancy test. You just tell us yes or no and we'll decide if it's positive or negative.
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@DominicStraw: Barber: What would you like today? Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!
@KatMcSnatch: Recipe for homemade charcoal: 1. Put dinner in the oven. 2. Sit down to check one quick thing on the internet...