@JasonLastname: Who'd win if Batman fought Santa? Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.
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@bridger_w: It's Saturday night and I just saw a guy with a ponytail and tinted lenses. Somewhere, a tarantula is home alone
@Steelers1972: Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
@EndhooS: *Wife walks in, the house is trashed* "OMG..we've been burgled" *I jump out of the closet in full hockey gear* HAVE YOU SEEN THE WASP KAREN?
@Brampersandon_: *catches son swearing through sign language* "We don't use that language in this house" *hands him hand sanitizer* "You know what to do"