@JasonLastname: Who'd win if Batman fought Santa? Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.
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@markleggett: Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving.
@HavocMantis: *repeatedly tries to explain Sisyphus to classmates who have apparently never heard of him* I wish you guys could get how ironic this is.
@WilliamAder: It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart.
@dumbbeezie: Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie