@1Happytwit: Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
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@iwearaonesie: the hardest part of your wife going into labor is everyone interrupts the movie by asking questions
@NicestHippo: DETECTIVE: There are signs of a struggle here [earlier that morning] ME: *trying to get up for work*
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I call bullshit, airport baby changing station! I wanted an Asian baby but I'm stuck with the white kid I flew in with.