@Eightinchgoat: Whoever said "The best things in life are free" obviously knew a very unsuccessful coke dealer.
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@SamuelHLowe: That awkward moment when someone is washing dishes and you slowly put your glass in the sink.
@Tmoney68: [Bar] Friend: I'm just lucky, I guess. Nothing ever embarrasses me. Drunk Me: Challenge accepted.
@QwertyJones3: [standing next to the boss at the urinal] Ok, don't act weird. "That's some impressive bladder volume, sir."
@fatherofcomedy: They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.