@Eightinchgoat: Whoever said "The best things in life are free" obviously knew a very unsuccessful coke dealer.
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@Juicedballs: *Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper's True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*
@DaddyJew: Girl: do you have a condom? Me: c'mon what's the worst that could happen *hears a knock on the door 4: daddy I think I started a fire
@ieatanddrink: For animals with an "amazing sense of smell" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing "Whoops, these are turds"
@iamMunga: Too many kids crying. I'm never having kids.I'm just gonna adopt an adult who has a job already.