@omgthatspunny: Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office is in big trouble. You have my Word.
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@Mr_Kapowski: *returns lost dog* Lady: That's not him. He was white Me: *holding a brown dog* He asked to swing by the salon. Add the color to my reward
@DancesWithTamis: With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us
@realHamOnWry: As a bachelor I learned to separate my laundry into three piles; dirty, not so bad, and I could wear this another two three times if needed.
@WineMummy: The scene from The Exorcist where she's tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it's me when getting a Brazilian.