@Scott_A_Gilmore: Whoever thought up the spelling of the word "queue" is stueuepid.
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@TitansHomer: [High School Reunion] Him: I started my own Law Firm last year Me: It took 2 months, but I convinced my wife Space Jam was a true story
@heymonroe: *notices girl singing song that's on in coffee shop* Me: You're a Cher fan too!? Her: Hold on *takes off bluetooth* Her: What? *dies alone*
@yoyoha: How long does Netflix have to be down before they send someone to your house to stroke your hair & tell you everything's going to be alright
@bingowings14: You shouldn't underestimate the number of places that you can't put your finger after you've been chopping chillies.