@FattMernandez: Who's the fax machine player in Skrillex?
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@bombscribe: If a coworker has two apples in his right hand and two oranges in his left hand, what does he have? No chance of blocking an uppercut.
@robdelaney: As of last night my mom has more Aerosmith tattoos than my sister again. For now anyway.
@Smug_Lemur: *at psychic reading* Psychic: you probably think you're wasting your time Me: Ooh you're good
@Book_Krazy: I really hate it when I have to go to work because my abundant wealth doesn't exist.