@chrissyteigen: "Whose funeral was this photo taken at?" John, serious tone: "I dunno. Let's see who's missing" possible funniest thing john has said
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@causticbob: I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane.
@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
@GoddessTitty: NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE Waiter: ahem *points to sign* Me: oh that's fine, I'm not ordering anything
@emmkaff: Scientists: Don't freak out about Ebola. Everyone: *Panic!* Scientists: Freak out about climate change. Everyone: LOL! Pass me some coal.