@welltbh: why are clothes so expensive???? i should not have to pay this much to not be naked. people should pay ME to not be naked
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@staceaustin: Walked in for bread, walked out with 6 bottles of wine. Now we're having communion for dinner.
@spacej_me: Some people have sex to make a baby but I prefer the old fashioned way of capturing a wild baby, and that's how I ended up in jail
@mjkspeaks: [meeting with boss] "I need you to go back and fix something that broke yesterday." "I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TIME MACHINE!"
@The_JRM: If I were in a musical, I'd get fired in a week. Keep a straight face while someone looks in my eyes & sings to me? Nope. Sorry. Impossible.