@UNTRESOR: "Why are you wearing?" - existentialist reporter on the red carpet
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@RoosterMustache: Hey now, you're a rock star, get your game on, Go plaaaay Hey now, you're potato, get your tate on, Po taaaate
@BuckyIsotope: A group of wild dads just ran into my back yard, built a shed, filled it with tools and told me not to touch any of them or I'd be grounded.
@thatUPSdude: [first date] Me: You into role playing? Her: Kinky, what do you have in mind? Me: You fake a heart attack and we get our meal for free.
@SonOfCha: Went into a massage parlor & asked for the happy ending, now I'm tucked into bed with a Korean woman reading me Cinderella.