@_Ted_Bear: Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
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@weinerdog4life: Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
@bingowings14: My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it.
@TheDailySchmuck: I'm black but not " can't understand the Winter Olympics" black. Those guys in the ski race are running from cops on a bobsled, right?