@_Ted_Bear: Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
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@B_poling82: Cop: Have you been drinking? Me: *sips beer Cop: That was stupid. Me: So was your question.
@RobinMcCauley: A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Shit Sherlock Research Institute.
@wesjohnson8: 62% of swimmers say they pee in the ocean....... now you know why SpongeBob is yellow.
@eborg01: I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *** catfood can