@_Ted_Bear: Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
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@CelticMoonDance: I'm beginning to question your proclamation of your "spiritual gifts". You are about as intuitive as my autocorrect.
@KalvinMacleod: HER: I’m leaving you ME: Is it because I’m too literal? HER: no it's just we're not working out ME: *buys both of us a gym membership*
@polksalad: Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat.
@sofarrsogud: 'Time to meet your maker' I say, more in hope, as I unpack another box of IKEA furniture.