@polyhumorous: Why did it have to be the dog? I have the hubby insured for $1.5 million.
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@ThatBrenna: *takes cat from pocket of doctor's coat & holds it over patient* He has finished his scan. He says he doesn't like you & you have cancer.
@Reverend_Scott: Iron Man: I'll hack into their security. Hulk: HULK SMASH DOOR! Thor: I'll silence their guards. Captain America: What's a microwave?
@MichaelLarrick: Uber is great because it gives me an opportunity to talk down to people that have nicer cars than me.