@polyhumorous: Why did it have to be the dog? I have the hubby insured for $1.5 million.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@neiltyson: Exterminators: The only profession in which you put yourself out of business by being really good at your job.
@KyleMcDowell86: *police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a Princess Leia costume* "HIDE THIS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN" *throws bag of cinnamon buns at me*
@pleatedjeans: [Batman in tears] Catwoman left me Oh no what happened?! I left the door open and she just bolted
@iwearaonesie: wife: What happened to your face!? Did you get in a fight? [flashback to me trying to buckle my toddler in his car seat] me: Yes