@dreamthievin: Why didn't Wile E. Coyote just spend all that Acme money to buy an actual dinner?
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@internetluke: [sees a zebra for the first time] What's up with that horse? [sees a giraffe for the first time] Okay, what the hell is going on today?
@Soo_Scandalouss: I leave spider carcasses on the wall to make sure the other spiders understand..
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Feel free to name your next kid after me. Coworker: Why would I name my kid “Giant Douchebag?”