@dreamthievin: Why didn't Wile E. Coyote just spend all that Acme money to buy an actual dinner?
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@ElKnuckelhombre: My 7 yr. old thought it would be really funny to hold up a sign in the back window of the car that said "HELP ME!". It was not.
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She's constantly mad at me "There are squirrels living in our house" THEY WERE HOMELESS, KAREN
@Cali_Kid_Mike: So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?