@Iwriteforcats: James is coming over. "James from work or James who thinks he's a leprechaun?" J: TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YA! "I'll hide the Lucky Charms."

@ClichedOut: Me: Good night. Brain: Night. Brain: But if dog bacon existed would you eat it?

@abbycohenwl: Roommate: So how was the party? Me: Good! A lot of cool people came up and started talking to me [flashback to party] Cool Person: Are you in line for the bathroom? Me: Yeah

@LeahsLounge: 1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Say your name is Waldo 4) Leave

@jordan_stratton: The best part of Robocop is when they spent billions of dollars making a cyborg super soldier instead of helping Detroit not be awful.