@pakalupapito: why do parents get mad when u sleep all day like im staying out of trouble and im not spending your money like what is the issue here
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@TheToddWilliams: [cat adoption agency] Counselor: ...*slowly pushes my application off the counter* Me: What the hell? Counselor: You're not ready
@sofarrsogud: 'Time to meet your maker' I say, more in hope, as I unpack another box of IKEA furniture.
@KevinBuffalo: Honey, I gained weight to prevent women from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.