@lecalabara: Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: If I have $45 and your mother has $15, how much money does your mom have? 6yo: $60 Me: That's correct, son.
@theshamingofjay: Just realized why my Grandpa called his sideburns thigh ticklers Excuse me guys while I go walk in front of a bus