@careworn: Why do people insist on saying "You're next" to me at weddings? Do they not realize how serial killery that is?
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@PlopWaffle: Interviewer : So you're super fast at math? Me : Yup I : Ok, what's 346x48? Me : 804 I : That's not correct Me : Fast though.
@jakob_huber: Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away.
@Laser_Cat: [interview] So what's a personal strength? "Honesty." And a failing? "I murder people who don't hire me."
@rickolantern: A super moon is just like a regular moon except Lois Lane doesn't recognize it when it's wearing horn rimmed glasses