@careworn: Why do people insist on saying "You're next" to me at weddings? Do they not realize how serial killery that is?
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@TrueTorontoGirl: Dave: I don't want to sound stupid.... Me: Then stop right there and say nothing.
@Avepates: Sometimes I like to hysterically tell mall security that my infant son has gone missing just so I can show people baby pictures of myself.
@TheMichaelRock: Hey guy driving the speed limit with your hands at 10 & 2, can I have some of that weed you're transporting?
@Abid_ism: once someone was like "millennials don't answer a door if they aren't expecting anyone???" and i get why the 70s had so many serial killers