@crayan9: Why do people say clean as a whistle? Whistles aren't clean, they're full of spit
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@WilliamRodgers: My buddy's PRETTY drunk... So I took the car key off of his keychain... He's been trying to start his car with a house key for 4 hours now
@WheelTod: "Pick a card, any card, make sure you memorize it, now put it back with the rest": me, with my wife at the Hallmark Store on Valentine's Day
@Terry_maximo: [funeral] *walks up to give eulogy* *pulls notes out of pocket* "Frank was a weirdo that bit his toenails." *folds notes* *sits back down*
@hoops_Daddy: Wind chimes. Something I've never purchased. Can't see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what'd be nice? Noise.