@crayan9: Why do people say clean as a whistle? Whistles aren't clean, they're full of spit
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@BlairLoudly: I decided to watch The Conjuring alone in a dark apartment and now I'm not allowed to make my own decisions anymore.
@bridger_w: "Oh, are you driving?" -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk
@hippieswordfish: WAITER: what can i get you ME: what do you recommend WAITER: i recommend that you tell me what you want to eat