@panmidwest: Why do they call it multiple personality disorder and not being a people-person?
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@thomasdynamic: You play the cards life deals you. They are Monopoly cards. You are a small pewter dog and you have won second prize in a beauty contest.
@joeljeffrey: I'm not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
@david8hughes: [phone rings] Guy: is your refrigerator running? Me: yes my refrigerator is runn- Fridge [grabs phone]: hello? Yeah actually I do crossfit
@timdonakowski: My new career path: 1. Learn soccer 2. Move to Ghana 3. Become the Jackie Robinson of Ghanaian soccer