@robfee: Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.
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@theshamingofjay: *tries for a year to brush and floss better* *goes to dentist* Dentist: Do you even own a toothbrush?
@theshamingofjay: My son just said he doesn't like cheese and now I have to interview all the mailmen in my neighborhood
@TouchOfAlchemy: Heckling someone at their third wedding automatically removes you from their fourth wedding invitee list The more you know
@ZiddiAkki: Me washing my car Neighbour: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.