@birbigs: Why does Garfield hate Mondays? He doesn't have a job.
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@Contwixt: If I was a baseball coach, I'd argue with umpires about subjective reality, stressing we can't be sure the game is actually even happening.
@petemandik: i got blood on my iphone the other day and before i could wipe it off siri made a slurpy noise and it was gone
@chrisdowning: When something at the hardware store says it's universal, that means it will fit every model on the market except the one you have.
@OfficialMizGin: Years ago I went to a job placement agency. I left disappointed. Apparently nobody offers temp work as an astronaut.