@FattMernandez: Why does George Zimmerman keep popping up every 6 months or so? Is he the McRib?
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@SadFaceOtter: Lost your keys? Why not try looking in the same two places 16 times whilst getting increasingly angrier
@Reverend_Scott: [party] What exactly does BYOB mean? "Bring your own beer" Bill Nye the Science Guy slowly slides the bacteria sample back in his lab coat
@fanofhell: guy: hey that's a great truck. what kinda engine? me: [rubbing the hood] it's got a truck engine
@Mr_Kapowski: Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, sir? Me: I honestly do not. There were two guys in front of my car with brooms, vigorously scrubbing the road and I think that increased my speed