@YUCKYBOT: Why does gigahertz? Because megabytez.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Wife: How was your day? Me: *kicks ball, ball rolls and tips water bottle into glass, weight of full glass releases ziplining GI Joe to push marble, marble rolls off weight tying balloon down to unveil banner reading “I ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING TODAY”*
@Kyle_Lippert: Nicki Minaj washes off her Halloween make up to reveal Lady Gaga who washes her face to reveal Madonna who washes her face to reveal an Emu.
@causticbob: "Wanna hear a joke?" "Alright then." "What's the difference between a toilet and a fridge?" "I don't know," "You're disgusting."
@imshitimsorry: aesop: man what you did was not cool. like imagine if a fox did what you did to me, and i was a goose. that makes it much clearer right?