@kevinrowe1: Why does my shampoo smell like gasoline? And when did my wife start smoking?
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@bkdcasey: I told an ex of mine that i wished she was more punctual. So, from then on, she added !!!!!!! to every text. I have picked some winners.
@omerwahaj: Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive. 2143: Everyone is dead b/c the vegans couldn't tell anyone else that they were vegan.
@vineyille: [screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT "FIGHTING" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT