@Darlainky: Why don’t Elvis impersonators call themselves the next best King?
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@TheJamieLee: Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, "Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."
@IamEnidColeslaw: my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera
@Makola_Bohlatse: Why yall taking long at Atm? yall launching missiles or downloading Space ships from NASA?
@TheTimmyToes: [JanSport keynote address] (audience grumbling) "where is he?" *CEO emerges from backpack on stage* *crowd goes nuts*