@Contwixt: Why go through the trouble of becoming an astronaut when you could just put a plastic bag over your head and roll down a hill in a freezer?
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@daemonic3: [dj voice] "What's up Dad Party!" *dads go nuts* "I wanna know, IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?!?" [dads in unison] DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT
@Sarcasticsapien: I stay in shape by drinking lots of water during the day and exercising by walking to and from the bathroom forty times at night.
@Dpressedspartan: My class teacher once said "Write and Practice." Turns out she was right. I practiced on my desk just before I started my exam and it worked
@Book_Krazy: Them: We're concerned about you. We think you're a Black Widow [offers me cake & coffee] Me: No thanks. I'm trying not to eat between males