@ninatreemonkey: Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
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@laurenreeves: My friend showed me her new vegan pants. I know vegans can be annoying and everything, but should we really be making pants out of them?
@Gooooats: Hurricanes should have scary names that instill a proper sense of alarm. Names like GOLTOG HARVESTER OF SOULS or Britni.
@Dawn_M_: If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.
@Storminika: A kid next to me at Starbucks says I smell like his dad. I'm like 'Well, your Dad's an alcoholic. Scram!'