@ninatreemonkey: Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
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@Angibangie: -If I'm wearing matching bra and undies, I better get more than a cuddle. McDonald's worker: Another bad date huh? Have some free fries...
@LaniBeno: I ate the whole box of slim fast bars. So excited about how skinny I'll be when I wake up tomorrow.
@OfficialMizGin: I wish I were a Jedi. I don’t want to use the Force or anything. I just want to hang out in my bathrobe all day.
@Thynebear: Teacher: You can do anything you set your mind to [I try to sneak outta class but somehow mess up the pull door twice] Except maybe that guy