@ninatreemonkey: Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
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@TheMichaelRock: [at interview] Interviewer: tell me a little about yourself. Me: I'd rather not. I kinda want this job.
@Ivsy01: Flirt with him. Drop down and pick up your asthma inhaler. Look back, readjust your glasses.
@TheDairylandDon: Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust.