@mortimermaiden: Me: Wanna take this upstairs?
Her: Mhm, but you should know it's my first time
Me: Don't worry, upstairs is like the downstairs, just higher
@Lovestained555: Before I die I want to be chased through the back of a Chinese restaurant.
@gabeserra: Power's been out for 40 minutes and the kids are asking why I haven't put new batteries in the house yet...
@Firawesome: If all the good ones are taken and you are single, what does that make you?
@JasonLastname: [Batman's parents return after 40 years]
Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?
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