@Donna_McCoy: Why have an affair when you can so easily ruin your marriage by remodeling the kitchen?
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@ilovepie84: Whenever I test drive a car and the Salesman decides to come along, I lock the doors lock eyes and say "We ride together, we Die together."
@natechartier1: *creating garbage cans* God: "That's where trash goes" *creating my twitter* God: "That's where trash comes from"
@androszr: If you could choose between having a girlfriend and owning the new playstation what would be your first game?
@Reverend_Scott: "Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist." It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse.