@KalvinMacleod: My 6 year old is telling me a story, oh wait, now he’s 9.

@MrLovenstein: Weaknesses. Secret Panel HERE 💥

@jazmasta: *i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine* "Hold tight son...WAIT! If u are here then.." *son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*

@Jack9eight5: As a pot smoking narcissist, my life is all smoke and mirrors

@TheBoydP: Guys, don’t panic if you find a sticky note from your wife in the morning with only the word “garbage” on it. It’s probably just trash day.