@desi_princess: Why is it whenever we see a police car, we drive like we have 10 kilos of cocaine and a stolen baby in the car?
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@Tmoney68: [Corporate Olive Garden meeting, 1985] Jesus: Let's do unlimited breadsticks. CEO: How can we supply that many? Jesus: *winks at camera*
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I’ve been shot MEDIC: put pressure on the wound ME: ok, wound, are you saving for your child’s tuition because education is important
@astutenewf: Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.