@omgthatspunny: Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.
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@markydoodoo: [Shark Tank] INVESTOR: So, it's a bra, with a built in queso holder? ME: Yep INVESTOR: And you call it the- ME: The Bracho, yes
@TeaPartyCat: Duck Dynasty guy is right-- if we baptize all those ISIS guys, Iraq will be safe because Christians never start wars for bullshit reasons.
@KababPapi: Americans: Muslims are so violent Me: ok but police co- Americans: shut up. Don't judge a group of people based off a select few.
@t0shiba: I accidentally took a woman's multi-vitamin this morning. I have been trying to get dressed now for 2 hours but everything makes me look fat