@ThePocketJustin: Why isn't there ghost dinosaurs? They didn't all finish their business. They didn't know the comet was coming.
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@RegularFred: Woman: [blushing] I was told there wasn't a single werewolf left in the world. Werewolf: there isn't. I'm married.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is relaxing by his pool. he's got so much sunscreen on that he slowly slides off his lounger, out of the gate & down the road
@internetluke: [on phone with mom] SHE SAID YES!!!! "congrats, son" I asked her if she thought I was weird "Wait what?" She thinks I'm weird. We broke up
@Cryptic1iam: Me: I've read the Bible cover to cover Her: Yeah? Prove it. M: How? H: What is the first sentence in it? M: "Do not remove from motel"