@Crutnacker: Why Seth MacFarlane's Oscars were mean spirited and misogynistic, coming up next after our review of the worst dressed women.
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@faizziy: My friend is mad at me because I saw her using a huge tablet to make a call so I offered her a gas cylinder to light her cigarette..
@armyVet1972: Me: Strengths? I never vomit when I'm nervous. *vomits* HR guy: Umm…you sure about that? Me: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm just super drunk right now
@joeljeffrey: Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
@Leemanish: Bought the cheapest possible Mercedes yesterday 'cause I needed to use the bathroom at the dealership.