@tuckerflodman: "Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
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@jordan_stratton: GOD: Eyelashes ANGEL: What do they do? GOD: Protect eyes ANGEL: And? GOD: Get into people's eyes. It's extremely painful. ANGEL: Are you ok?
@Jen_says_nah: *puts message in a bottle *stares longingly out at sea and throws it in *gets tazed and arrested for littering
@KKAlThani: If "Bieber fever" is when a Bieber song comes on the radio & you start throwing up & stabbing yourself, then yes I had Bieber fever once.
@LilBlueBlood: Mom: Want to come over for dinner? Me: No thanks, already ate Mom: What did you have? Me: Peanut butter Mom: With? Me: Spoon